There are countless times throughout my life that I’ve let my lack of self confidence stop me from doing or trying things, especially when I was younger. One that really sticks out to me was the start of grade 11. I was starting at a new school and I thought I would try to make a change. For years I had loved basketball, but had never played organized basketball or been coached. I played on the playground and in my backyard. There were no polished skills but because I played so much I was decent.
With all that in mind I thought I’d try out for the high school basketball team. Spent a lot of time in my own head building myself up and convincing myself to do it. Convinced my Mom to buy me new basketball shoes so I wouldn’t look too out of place.
Finally tryout day came. Nervous and excited with my new shoes I walked to the gym. The main doors were open and there were people in there already and I could see them warming up. These guys were running team warmup drills that they had obviously been running together for some time. Cutting, passing, weaving, all in a choreographed way. That was the part that I hadn’t considered fully. Even if I was as good as some of these guys one on one, I wasn’t anywhere close to where they were playing as a team. The amount I would have stuck out and been embarrassed had I walked in and tried to jump into these exercises was too much. I turned around jumped on the bus and went home. My basketball career over before it started.
Could I have caught up if I pushed past my insecurities? Maybe. Would that have changed how the rest of my high school time went? All I know is it couldn’t have made things worse.
It’s been three weeks since I joined n8n and this time reminded me of that basketball tryout. In a lot of ways joining this team feels like I’m looking in those gym doors watching an awesome team that is way ahead of where I am. Similar to all those years ago I know I have the skills and experience that means I have something to contribute, but I have a lot to learn. Unlike high school I now won’t let my insecurities, that are still very much there, stop me from trying and working hard to get to where I want to be.
Thankfully the team is so supportive. Even though there are moments where I doubt myself and am likely asking stupid questions, they are all helping me. If they’re judging me, they are doing an excellent job at hiding it. It helps make it easier for me to ask those questions and learn. I’m not scared to work hard and I’ll get to where I need to be, skill and knowledge wise, quickly.
This time I’m staying in the gym and instead of being scared to try, I’m relishing the opportunity to learn and grow.
Sandy McFadden 