My family went to Ottawa and all I got was this colostomy

Each year we try to take our family on some sort of vacation. Lots of times it’s somewhere fairly close by but other years when we can we try to go a bit further. Usually my wife and I decide where to go and what fun things to do while we’re there. Typically Jen does most of this as vacations are her thing. She loves them. In 2011 however I decided I wanted to go to Ottawa. It’s our Nations capital and I’d never been there before. Jen wasn’t overly keen on going though so it was this year I did more of the planning than usual.

Planning went really well. We ended up being able to time things so that we could take over a University class mates from home while they came to Nova Scotia for their vacation. We have friends in Northern New Brunswick so we would stay with them on the way there and back to break up the drive. It is while we were there visiting before Ottawa that I started having the pain in my abdomen.

I could likely go back many years talking about the issues I’ve had with my bowels, it was never anything I considered serious. I chalked it up to my poor diet and lifestyle in general. Usually I had the opposite problem though, this time I always felt like I had to go but just couldn’t. As we were on vacation I was eating even less regular and more fast food than usual so again I figured diet issues.

By the time we made it to Ottawa I was having issues even walking around. I would get waves of pain that would almost double me over, but other times it would pass and I would be pretty good. Constantly going to the washroom but having nothing happen at all was very frustrating and was causing me to miss out on our vacation fun while we were out. Quickly things got so bad that I wasn’t even going out with the rest of the family anymore. Much of my time was spent on the couch in pain. The day planned for seeing the Parliament Hill and taking a boat ride down the Ottawa River I drug myself out to go along as this was my main highlight. We didn’t go into the Parliament buildings but did get to see them outside, it wasn’t as enjoyable as I had hoped as I was in a fair amount of pain.

Finally Jen convinced me to go get checked out. Luckily there was a walk in clinic not far from where we were staying so I went there. They did a few tests but couldn’t figure out what it might be, they sent me home saying they would contact me with the results of the tests but if the pain kept up to go to the hospital.

The Hospital

The morning we woke up to drive home things had gotten just too bad, I could barely get myself dressed. My wife too me to the Emergency Room at the hospital and they took me in right away. With nothing showing in the tests they sent me for a CT scan.

The hospital and sent my family away as there was no need in four kids sitting in the waiting room. Being there alone was hard. Not knowing what was wrong and not having anyone I cared for there was both stressful and scary. This had to be bad for my wife as well. We were supposed to be heading home, but instead she was trying to entertain our kids in an unfamiliar city by herself and not knowing what was going on with me.

After what felt like forever, but probably wasn’t, the results of the CT scan came back. It was determined that I had diverticulitis. Little pouches which formed in my bowel became infected and inflamed. This likely explains some of the issues I had previously, but this time things were so bad that these little pouches actually perforated. Now I would need to wait for a surgeon to see what was going to happen next.

It was shortly after this that I started feeling very faint and dizzy. A nurse came and took my blood pressure which was very low. This prompted them to get me back in a bed, pump me full of IV and get me some pain medication.

Once I started the pain medication details started getting blurry, I’m unclear on time frames etc. But I finally got to talk to a surgeon who let me know that he was going to have to perform surgery and that I would end up with a colostomy. He also let me know I would end up being in the hospital for around ten days.

Not long after I was given all this information I finally was able to talk to my wife who had tried calling the hospital a number of times. She was so calm and comforting even though it was obvious she was stressed out herself. The whole family was able to come in to see me for a while as the surgery wouldn’t be happening until later that night.

The rest of the time before the surgery is mostly a blur to me as well. Likely from the strong pain meds, the stress, and other emotions I was feeling. The next thing I remember was groggily waking up in recovery.

After the Surgery

As I woke up after the surgery I remember the surgeon talking to me but things were not absorbing properly. It wasn’t until I could hear him in the background speaking to my wife on the phone and explaining things to her, that I started to grasp everything that happened.

He had expected that he wouldn’t be able to perform the surgery laparoscopically and indeed he did have to switch to laparotomy, so I had a large incision from my belly button down. He left the incision open to heal and close on it’s own which was something I didn’t really expect to deal with. He was also telling her that I would need to wait a full year before having the surgery reversed. Before hand he had mentioned that it would be between six months and a year, so I was on the long end of that. The other big news was that I would be in the hospital for around two weeks before I could make the long trip home.

The outcome could have been a whole lot worse but all I was thinking about was spending the next two weeks in a hospital, in a strange city, without my family, and then the next year carrying around a bag of my own waste. It was a strange mix of emotions. I was thankful that he was able to repair me, but at the same time frustration, anger, fear, and loneliness all set in.

As I came in to the hospital on the day we were supposed to be driving home to Nova Scotia, it wasn’t possible for my family to stay for another two weeks. Even though we hadn’t had a chance to talk about it yet I knew my wife was going to have to drive home with the kids herself and leave me to recover. After that I wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to get home.

Looking back I can’t recall the first time I actually paid attention to the actual ostomy and wound. I know it didn’t take long before I accepted the fact that it was there and would be there for some time. I still wasn’t thrilled with the idea by any means but it was certainly better than the alternative.

The next day when my family was able to see me I learned my wife had been busy. Two of my sisters were flying in to help with things. One sister from Nova Scotia flew in to help my wife with the kids and drive back home with them. My other sister from Alberta was flying in to spend at least a few of the days keeping me company and helping me out in the hospital. She wouldn’t be able to stay for the whole time so my Mother was going to fly in and stay until it was time to go home.

One of the other major issues we had was the peoples whose home we were staying in were coming back. Therefore my family was out of a place to stay until we got things straightened out. Some close family friends all arranged to take up a collection from our other friends and book a hotel for my family to stay for the next couple days. Things were still less than ideal but some of the major things that were concerning me were all of a sudden taken care of.

By and large I’m not an overly emotional guy but this whole situation certainly had me emotional. I had shed a few tears the day before when the surgeon explained everything that was going to be taking place, and once my family left I shed some more thinking about the generosity and selflessness of my family and friends. Just toss a couple more emotions onto the pile I was already experiencing, gratitude and humility.

The Next Year

Over the next year I had to get used to a lot of things. Everyday things like dressing yourself, showering, and going to the store, were all different. I’ve never had the greatest self image but I was even more self conscious when ever I was out or around other people.

Like everything in life I got used to it though. As I worked from home the vast majority of the time this made things both very nice and difficult. Nice that I didn’t have to be around anyone and could wear comfy clothes. Difficult because I was self employed and didn’t have a steady income stream or any health benefits. Therefore all the supplies I needed would come out of our own pocket. Luckily I made contact with a great specialist Nurse here who ended up getting me on a trial with a company who supplied me as long as I answered a survey about their product. This was a huge blessing.

It was during this time however that I realized working for myself, at least the way I had been, could no longer go on. We needed a steady income and health benefits in case anything else like this happened to anyone else in my family. Thankfully we are all pretty healthy people, but just having that security now means a lot to me.

A great opportunity came a long doing IT support for the Michelin tire plant near my home so I jumped at it. At this point I already had my scheduled appointment to have a reversal of my colostomy performed so they graciously waited until that was done and I was healed before I started.

It was a very tough year for me, but it really helped change my life and set me down a new path. It also helped me realize what a lucky guy I am to have such great support in friends and family all around, and even complete strangers. It would have been a lot harder to get through without them all, so I am eternally grateful.

Remembering Melba Green

Much of my childhood was spent growing up in a trailer park in rural Nova Scotia. It was very much it’s own little community with all kinds of interesting characters, my family included.

One of our neighbors was Melba Green. In many ways she was a stereotypical stay off my lawn kind of seniors. At least I think she was a senior, I don’t think I ever really knew how old she was. For as long as I knew her she never worked and I assume it was old age pension that she lived on, but it very easily could have been a disability benefit.

She was single and I don’t believe she was ever married, she had a brother and sister in law who lived about an hour and a half away but visits between them were seldom.

She was quite overweight and had mobility issues. First using a cane but then eventually required a walker for most distances.

She would spend most of her days sitting watching TV or peering out the window waiting for us to do something that she could yell at us to stop.

When I was about about 12 years old I ended up doing odd jobs for Melba. With her mobility issues she had a hard time doing even simple tasks. One of the first things I started doing for her was grocery shopping.

Once a week we would hop in her old Chevrolet Chevette and drive to the grocery store. She couldn’t reach back to pull the seat belt across so usually she just drove without it. The drivers seat was broken and in fact the whole car leaned to the drivers side. Eventually we started taking a taxi as the car was too old and she really shouldn’t have been driving anyway.

We always drove past three or four stores to get to the one she liked as it was familiar and it had a little dining area where she could sit while I went around the store getting the things on her list.

When I was done I would bring the cart back so she could inspect everything and give me the money to go pay. She had little money so I really had to pay attention to what everything cost to make sure it for the budget.

Once I gained her trust with the grocery shopping she also had me start doing her banking. So we would stop at the bank and she would either sit in a waiting area or stay in the car. She had a different account for every bill so I would deposit her Government cheque and then transfer funds into each of the accounts so the bills could be paid. I would also get envelopes with cash in them for things like groceries and my pay.

House cleaning became another service I would do for her. Dishes, floors, bathrooms, and laundry. Like most of us she had a oil furnace for heat. There was something wrong with it as everything in her home was always covered in a black film of soot coming from it. It was very unhealthy but I knew she couldn’t afford to have it fixed. It was about this time that my feelings for Melba Green changed. It became obvious that my helping her was as much about companionship as it was anything else. I was someone to talk to, a break from obvious loneliness.

Her yelling out the window at us neighbourhood kids came from that boredom and loneliness. Even though she had family fairly close, they had their own lives and her finances made even that distance of travel difficult.
Instead of just going and doing my job I tried to have more conversations with her. We would every once in a while sit and have meals on TV trays while watching soap operas and chatting.
Melba taught me a number of things and looking back I can see them even more clearly. Not just the practical life skills but also perspective.

There are reasons people are how they are and it’s important to have empathy and try to see things from their perspective.

When she finally was moved to a nursing home I was happy for her. She wasn’t someone I worked for now, or the cranky old lady across the street, but a sort of friend. The environment was going to be much healthier without oil soot in the air. The food would be healthier and there would be people closer to her age for companionship.

Once she moved we only visited her a couple times, but she seemed so much happier and even started losing weight.
We lost touch when my family moved away as well, but I hope she knew that she had an effect on my life and I believe I’m a bit better of a person for having known her.

Family Pictures

Recently we had our family pictures taken by our good friend and photographer Cheryl Fields.

Cheryl did a great job. I love being able to capture our family all together every so often. It makes it fun to look back and see how much we have all changed over the years.

So little time, so much work

Currently I’m in my third week of working two jobs and so far things are going pretty well, but I don’t think it’s anything I could handle long term. Working all day then going home and working some more makes for long days. Throw in working close to full days on the weekends as well and it hasn’t left me much of the Life side of the Life Work Balance.

My family is amazing and they are all making sacrifices to allow me to do this. The most of course being my amazing wife. While I ensure I have had some time to go out on family outings when it comes to the day to day running of the house, including chores etc, she is doing even more than her usual large piece. But we know this is for the best so we’re all willing to do what it takes for the short term.

Luckily both my full time job and the part time are very flexible when it comes to me needing to make adjustments. Of course working in the Library I need to be here in case something goes wrong that I have to physically go and look at or deal with, but if I need to take a vacation day or work a little extra here and take some time off there, it’s not a big deal. The part time job I get to do from my home and choose my own hours so this part just works.

Someday I’ll write more and talk about he part time stuff I’m doing as it’s really great and has actually caused me to step up my game in other aspects of my life. They say if you need something done to ask a busy person and I believe this is absolutely true. Being busy forces you to plan better and I actually feel sometimes like I’m more productive in the other parts of my life. Maybe because you know you don’t have extra time so procrastination just can’t happen. You hustle and get the things done that need to be done.

Because of this it’s been a bit since I’ve written here. Let’s give a bit of an update.

  • My last post was about pumpkin pie. We ate it, it was delicious.
  • As part of my health transformation I’ve taken up running. On Oct. 12, 2014 I ran my first 10K race in the local Valley Harvest Marathon. I did it in 55 minutes. Not my best time, but with a knee injury I was happy with it.
  • I talked about our rabbits before. This morning we discovered one of them had past away. I had some very sad kids, especially my oldest as she is the one who looks after them and found it this morning. 😦

I think these are the main points of interest. I’m going to try to keep writing more and make time for this in my schedule as well.

Pumpkin Pie

Today is my Mother’s Birthday. One of her, and my, favourite things is pumpkin pie, so that is what she is getting today instead of a birthday cake.

I’ve made the pie before but this is the first time I’m doing it while making my own pie crust. Previously I’ve always used store bought crusts and just made the filling.

Here was the result last night.

If you’re interested in the recipe, here is the one for the pie filling and below it the one for the crust.

Pumpkin Pie

  • Servings: 2
  • Difficulty: easy
  • Print

Ingredients

  • 1 large (28 oz) can pumpkin
  • 2 ½ cups brown sugar
  • 1 ½ tsp ginger
  • 3 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp nutmeg
  • 2 tsp salt
  • 6 eggs (beaten)
  • 1 can evaporated milk
  • 2 cups whole milk

Directions

  • Beat together
  • Pour into unbaked pie shells
  • Bake 1 hour @ 325. Makes 2 large pies

Pie Crust

  • Servings: 6
  • Difficulty: easy
  • Print

Ingredients

  • 5 cups flour
  • 1 lb lard
  • 1 tbsp salt
  • 1 tsp vinegar
  • 1 egg beaten
  • < 1 cup milk

Directions

  • Cut lard into flour & salt. Add:
  • vinegar
  • egg
  • enough milk to make 1 cup
  • Mix just until blended & forms a dough that will stick together
  • Makes 6 crusts
  • Freezes well

New T-Shirt

Ordered this a few weeks ago and it just arrived today.

http://instagram.com/p/ttCPTwNjNP/

It is just in time as I have a feeling over the next few weeks this will be even more true than usual. Lots of late nights and long days. So much to learn and do!

Turning Around A Bad Mood

For the last few days I’ve been letting little things, unimportant things, build up and let them get me down. I know full well these things are temporary and are dwarfed by all the great positive things in my life but for some reason let them get to me anyway.

Not today! I let them go today and start again. Today is my oldest’s birthday. She is turning 15 and we are going to celebrate with her friends and our family. It’s a beautiful fall day and we are going to do it outside at my parents house in the country.

While the rest of the family went out to get things ready there, me and my little guy ran some errands and finished up the last bit here at the house.

We did so good for time that we took a little break to relax in the sun with a little treat. It’s easy to turn around a bad mood with days like this.

http://instagram.com/p/tc5PvVNjKY/

Beginning of Autumn

Autumn is my favourite time of the year.

September starts out as what I call Birthday Month in my house. Three of my children have birthdays this month and so does my Father-in-law. So we get to start off the best season by celebrating for the whole last of the month.

My wife enjoys birthdays more than the average person so she goes all out. Most people we celebrate with have at least two parties. One on their actual birthday which is more for family and a dinner, but then the bigger party celebrating with all their friends in some fashion. This causes the month to be busy between the planning and running around associated with this, but we always have a good time.

We live in a beautiful agricultural area so Autumn is also harvest season. So many agricultural tourism based attractions have popped up over the years. From corn mazes to apple picking, there’s always something going on to get out in the fresh crisp fall air. The temperatures are about perfect for my liking and the scenery with the leaves changing colors makes an excellent backdrop for our adventures.

We have a couple really cool events. The Annual Giant Pumpkin Regatta is, just as the name sounds, an event built around giant pumpkins. Competitors will actually carve them out into huge boats and paddle them across the water in a race. Before that they have a big parade so you can see all the fancy designs and costumes they’ve prepared to stand out in the race.

My town also holds an annual Pumpkin People Festival. All over town displays of pumpkin people show up to celebrate the harvest season. It draws lots of visitors to the area and is a favourite activity of my kids to go around and see all the people.

Each year in October there is the Valley Harvest Marathon, this year I’ve registered to run my first race ever. I’ve done a few 10k runs in preparation so hopefully it will go well and hopefully it will become a new Autumn tradition for me.

There are a few down sides to Autumn though. For one the days get a lot shorter. Early morning runs have been pushed back which makes it harder to fit in to our busy morning schedules. It is also a clear reminder that as beautiful as this time of year is, it won’t be long before winter is here.

Why Didn’t I Say Something?

I was in a great mood, a friend wanted to get together to have coffee so I left work a little early on a Friday afternoon. I went to pick up my oldest from school before heading off to meet and while I was waiting in the parking lot I received a very exciting email which put me in an even better mood.

That changed very shortly after, and even though I’ve been thinking a lot about that email, I also keep coming back to what happened between getting the email and leaving the parking lot.

As I’ve mentioned before, this year is my daughters first year at high school so this is really my first time spending even a little bit of time near a high school since I graduated, and that is getting to be a longer and longer time ago.

It really shouldn’t have shocked me, especially after the things in even our local news, but it still did.

Here was this young man walking with what appeared to be his girl friend and another guy. As they got close to his car the other guy continued on. I didn’t hear any of the conversation before this, but as they separated the guy with his girl friend yelled to the other guy something about how he was going to rape his mother. All three of them laughed.

How in their right minds can anyone think this is an appropriate thing to say or joke about.

I wanted to say something to him, to all of them, but I didn’t. Someone needs to give them a reality check that this is simply not a joking matter, why didn’t I do it?

I’ve regretted it ever since the situation passed.

My first reaction was to get out and yell about respecting women and what an awful thing to joke about, especially a friends mother, but any woman. Immediately I thought of my daughter and how it might affect her if I did this. It could cause her to be labeled the girl with the crazy dad and make her start of school harder than it is already going to be for her.

She didn’t hear the comments at all thankfully, but my internal dilemma was still focused around her. I try to show her through actions how women need to be treated so that when she picks a boyfriend she will choose someone who will show her that respect, but by letting that pass I didn’t help anything. Even if she wasn’t there to see or hear, what if she had been, would I have reacted different?

When I was a teenager “Yo Momma” jokes were a big thing. Looking back those were horrible things to joke about, but I don’t recall any of them being a vulgar or as offensive as talking about raping someones mother.

My hope is that my children grow up to be stronger than what I displayed yesterday. I want them to feel secure enough to stand up for what’s right and let someone know, in an appropriate manner, when they say something that is simply not right. How can I expect them to do that if I don’t demonstrate it myself.

For now I am going to mention it to the Principal of the school so that he can at least be aware and pay attention for this in the future. I’m also going to make a firm resolve with myself to not let anything like that just slip by again.

Popcorn For The Show

Earlier in the day my wife was trying to take down a borrowed folding play pen which was used to nap a visiting child. Apparently it didn’t go so well so it was still up when I arrived home from work.

I was coming up stairs just as my wife was starting on her second attempt to get this thing apart, I hear my nine year old daughter say.

“Hold on, I’m going to get some popcorn. This is going to be a good show.”